I was challenged at church today to really take a look at how I see God as my father.
My first thought was "Of course a loving giving God" but upon digging deeper I realize that my vision of him was distorted. Many times we see God through our own relationship or lack of one with our own fathers. And in turn causes a struggle with our faith in him.
It's great when we come from a family that really loves and forgives no matter what we do, but sadly that's not always the case. And in any family we all fall short with really sharing the grace of God. I have really tried to convey to my children that it's not THEM that I am unacceptable of but with the choices that they sometimes make. Something that I wish my own father would have done. It's only by the grace of God that I try and do different than him.
Parenting is hard and if done anywhere close to right needs to be examined often. I know that many books and programs are written to examaine a child's heart but what about the teachers heart condition? It's a challenge to my heart to ask myself why I am seeking a certain behavior in my children. Is it selfishly motivated or am I trying to teach them something on their behalf?
And what a challenge it is when you are at your wits end trying to just get some of the simplest duties in life done while these kiddos are fighting you every bit of the way :)
I used to think that having children was for my husband and I to be somehow complete. I have learned that it's quite the opposite. My life has never been more messier than it is now. The daily challenge of having to bend and grow with being a mom is not an easy task even with God beside me.
But with it comes a new sight and understanding of God's overflowing grace towards me. Praise God for tears and frustrations of being a mom for they make me more like him!